or AM I?
The day that David deployed was a very emotional day! I have to admit, I did not handle it as well as I thought I would! David and I decided to just drop him off at the airport and say our goodbyes rather than getting a security pass and staying with him an additional 2 hours! The anticipation of him leaving was at an all time high, waiting any longer would have been detrimental to my mental health! If you have experienced anything similar, you know exactly what I am talking about! Sometimes it is best to just say goodbye and GO!
We woke up that morning and both girls had decided to go on to school. Gabby wanted to go and take her AR tests (what a committed student) and Hayley had to take exams (even though the school would have worked with us). Gabby woke up extremely early that morning, which is rare, she is always sneaking a sleep in until the very last minute. I knew immediately when she was up so early that it was going to be a rough day. I encouraged her to go get in the bed with daddy and get some early morning snugs!! Eventually the 2 of them were up and she was determined to go to school. So being the supportive mom that I am, I went along with this decision, even though I reassured her she could stay home! The time came for her to go to the bus stop, so her daddy took her. Because David is so organized and is the “has it all together parent” of the 2, he got to the bus stop with a few minutes to spare. However this is very unusual for me as many mornings my fellow neighborhood moms look out for us and flag the bus down as we drive up and it’s about to drive off! I wonder if he would have gotten different results if she literally had to jump and run to catch the bus that morning! Meanwhile I am at home on the computer, either on facebook or working on my blog, because that is how I escape these days! As I am getting Hayley up for school, David and Gabby return home. Both are blubbering and I knew, we were in for a long hard day! Gabby just could not say goodbye to her daddy. Now David is a strong man, he does not show much emotion about too much, however when it comes to his wife and girls, that grown man can break your heart! We got it together (temporarily) and managed to get Hayley ready for the bus. Our sweet and entertaining neighbor-daughter, Emma, who likes for us to refer to her as our 3rd child, comes over each morning to walk with Hayley to the bus stop. When it came time for Hayley to leave for the bus, she was stopped dead in her tracks by emotion and we decided that David would take them to school. Poor Emma! She experienced first hand the sadness and grief that military families feel when moms and dads are deployed! We all had our family hug, tears a flowing, ugly face cries, and me reassuring how strong we are, we are TEAM HOFFS for heaven’s sake and we would be ok! It took awhile to get it together and David took Hayley and Emma to school. Hayley is our quiet and reserved child, she knew it would be easier for her to just go to school and get it over with than dragging it out all day! And Emma was given clear directions to take care of Hayley!
The morning slowly passed and David, Gabby and I drove to the airport. I had been mentally preparing myself all morning to be strong and not to lose it at the airport! As it is time for him to say “goodbye”, we all 3 had a wave of emotion that still rocks me to the core! Talk about ugly faces! Usually I bury my face in my hands to keep from exposing that ugly face cry! But at that moment, I did not care!! I am sure we were a sight to see! Here we are outside the airport, just a boo-hooing and bystanders watching and I am sure feeling our emotion! I am sure with David being in uniform and the 10 bags he had to check, everyone had to KNOW we were a family of a Deployed soldier! The rest of the afternoon is a blur, I just remember Gabby rubbing my back saying “Mom, it is ok, we are TEAM HOFFS!” Wow I needed to hear that!
The day drug by and Hayley returned from school. We decided to indulge ourself with some good ole comfort food!!! So dinner time came and we decided that CRACKER BARREL was the place to go! The whole atmosphere at Cracker Barrel is just what we needed! Warmth, coziness, and CANDY!!
And what better choice of comfort food is there than our favorite-chicken and dumplings!!
Now I have to tell you, I am not a mom who lets my girls just eat a lot of junk food and candy! I am a mom of moderation, however I did let my girls indulge that night! We all did!! The lesson that I wanted to teach my girls is that it is ok to feel sadness, it is ok to have a night of indulgence , but TOMORROW is a new day, and we will put our best foot forward and move on! We went to bed that night, woke up the next day feeling like we could conquer the world because we are TEAM HOFFS, we can do anything!
I wonder though, did I teach them to go to food for comfort or did I teach them that some times us girls just need a night of indulgence and it’s ok, but we must move on? Just another thing for me to stress about! What do you think?
I am linking to http://www.serenitynowblog.com/, things i cant say
I think you just made me cry my eyes out <3 Love you !
I’m sorry, didn’t mean for it to be so sappy!!
love you too!
I wish I was there to give you a hug. I think comfort food is there for comfort once in a while. It’s ok. David will be in our prayers for the duration.
BIG VIRTUAL HUG!!!!
Thanks honey. You brought all that emotion back out but it’s great to read this and know how we will feel completely opposite feelings when I come home. Love you!
Wanda, I just read your blog about David’s deployment day. I’m still sniffling as I’m writing you!
Don’t worry about wondering if you taught your girls to turn to food. Be proud of what you really taught them…
You are a strong family who loves each other.
It’s OK for grown men to cry…even Daddy’s!
You understand and respect that everyone has their own way of dealing with good-byes.
Comfort food is just that, comforting.
Sadness is temporary (even if it seems to last a long time) and one day can make all the difference.
Their Mommy and Daddy love each other very much.
Being a military family isn’t always easy; it’s a calling that only very special people can understand. But the benefits far outweigh the inconveniences.
That their Mommy is amazing and she will do an outstanding job “holding down the fort” while their Daddy is serving our country.
You can and will do this, and will end up stronger than ever.
Sending hugs and Aloha~
The above comment was left on my facebook by a dear friend and fellow army wife! Phyllis you are an amazing friend! Thank you for the words of encouragement!
Tears here, too, Wanda. And I think you did exactly the right thing. Everyone needs to wallow for a bit, and everyone deals and wallows differently. Hayley going to school was her method. You boohooing on the sidewalk was yours. And Gabby picking up the slack for you will probably turn out to be her method. And so food. “Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.” Fisher, M. F. K. You need warmth and love shared with your girls. Comfort. How you handle one day of stress and grief will not define how your girls deal with life. How you handle the whole deployment will have an impact that will last. And I know you’ll do it well. You ARE strong. I believe in you!
Thanks Christine! you rock! I know that you know what you are talking about, not sure how many you survived but I do think it was more than one! Thanks for believing in me! Sometimes our world is rocked and it is so hard to see beyond where we are! I know we will be fine! It is just the process of getting there! One day at a time!
Wanda, reading your post brought back so many memories and feelings. I can feel your pain and that of your husband and children. Nobody knows the anguish of being a military family and going through deployment unless you are or have been one of them. I have been through the scene you describe when you guys got to the airport several times in our 23 years of Army life and at that moment is like the whole world disappears and it is just you and your loved ones. I am glad you took your girls out to dinner! You guys will be ok. Wanda, you are strong and you can do this Remember what I told you, you are not alone. When all is over and your husband is back home safe and sound, you will realize that this deployment just made you stronger and capable of handling anything! Big hug to you!
Thank you Maria!
BIG lump in throat … there just aren’t words to adequately express the gratitude to your family and your husband for serving our country. I hope this deployment flies by for all of you!
Thank you very much!
You are all a family of heroes, even though, given your self-deprecating sense of humor, I’m sure you’d argue with me on that! I think you did just fine, Mama!
Forgot to mention I had stopped by from SITS Saturday Sharefest!
Thank you! My husband is the hero, but I will gladly and proudly wear that title as well! Never been told that so thanks! Not going to argue with you on that!! I will be hopping over to your blog! Thank you again for such support!
You are ANYTHING BUT a bad mom. You are clearly a wonderful mom and wife and I think anyone would have done the same. It’s okay to indulge every now and then. You and the girls had an extremely emotional day and it’s only natural that you’d want to treat yourselves a little bit. But as you said: you wake up the next morning and it’s back to business as usual.
What a pillar of strength you are for your family–ugly tears or not. You are the rock that keeps your family together. I know this is a difficult time for you all and I wish you all the best for a safe–and speedy!–deployment. Hope you are all reunited soon.
XOXO and thank you so very much for making my day and leaving a sweet comment. SO happy to have found you via SITS.
Thank you so very much! That was very kind of you. I truly appreciate the support shown on here to me!
Hi Wanda,
Vern gave me your blog link. (I am Ruth’s granddaughter). We are praying for you guys as David is deployed. Thank you for your sacrifice of service to our country…I don’t say that lightly as I know it’s a huge commitment for ALL of you. Glad that you and the girls got out and enjoyed some Cracker Barrel- yum!
Thank you Krista!
Oh Wanda! That was a hard lump to swallow! You are nothing short of a strong caring mother. I was born and raised into a military family and each and every deployment was different but it always ends the same. Everyone coming together with tears of excitement and joy that your service member is finally home again! I know its so soon to say it but it will be here so quickly! Enjoy this personal time with your children. Make sure they write letters back and forth even though you might have email, phone calls, or skype as an option. To have something both of you have touched is an amazing affirmation. I cant wait to see where this journey goes! You got this! Ill be cheering you on!
Thank you for the encouraging words! And thanks for reminding me of the importance of a written letter! I love finding military wife bloggers! Thanks for visiting my blog!
Yes tomorrow is a new day! I don’t know what it feels like but I am sure you’re ok by now.. You are Team Hoffs! I like that… =)
It would be so hard to have to send him off like that. Sounds like you found a good way to end a hard day!
Oooh… good question. When I was little my mom once couldn’t attend my awards ceremony and bought me a box of chocolates to apologise. I have sometimes wondered if my emotional connection to chocolate started then. But honestly? I don’t think it did, and I don’t think it was wrong of my mom to treat me with something special. So don’t worry. I really don’t consider you to be a bad mom.
Thanks! I hopefully did not scar them!